Jack Vettriano A Terrible BeautyJack Vettriano A Mutual UnderstandingJack Vettriano a letter of ConsequenceJack Vettriano A Kind of Loving IIJack Vettriano a Fille a la motoJack Vettriano 301.129
write something, or I was going to go insane. So what better than a new chapter of the fail!fic?
Enjoy! Concrit! Smirk knowingly in all the right places!
Chapter Two
“Where did that anachronistic and frankly tacky neon sign come from?” Aragorn asked, scratching his head.
I shrugged, my lustrous golden hair fallingam for Aragorn here. Your name is immaterial, compared to the sudden appearance of this anachronism.”“What’s an anachronism?” Sam asked with a frown.“A great force sent to trouble our unhappy world, I fear,” Aragorn said gravely, resting one hand on the post of the flashing sign. “Often have I travelled in the Wilds, and never have I seen such a thing.”“We draw now close to the Golden Wood,” Gimli commented, looking up at the sign. “Sorcery lies within this forest.”“Why does it say ‘Welcome to Middle-Earth!’, though over my pointed ears and cascading down my shoulders.
“What I want to know,” I answered, frowning, “is why I keep getting this strange urge to introduce myself as Orlando.”
One of the hobbits whispered something to Gimli, who snorted. I stopped to glare back at them. Accursed… small people!
“Peace, Legolas,” Boromir said with a smirk, raising his hand. “Strange thoughts enter the minds of men in such places as these. I ?” the Ringbearer asked, fidgeting slightly. “Haven’t we been in Middle-Earth since the day we were born?”
I raised a finger to my lips, and stepped, cat-quiet, towards the prone figure underneath
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Jack Vettriano The Picnic Party
Jack Vettriano The Picnic PartyJack Vettriano The PerfectionistJack Vettriano The Party's OverJack Vettriano The Parlour of TemptationJack Vettriano The Opening Gambit
got up early to check on Rosie and Rose. He opened the door and Rosie was playing with her new baby. Sam sat on the bed and kissed Rosie’s forehead. ‘Oh Sam, She’s beautiful!’ Rosie said.
Elanor and Frodo were playing with their new sibling on the bed when Sam returned with some milk. ‘The doctor told me to keep your fluids up.’ Sam said. He helped Rosie sit up and he helped her drink. She was feeling much better with a lot of her strength returned but Sam still felt the need to dote on her.
Later that day, while Rosie was asleep, Sam was just outside her window weeding the garden underneath. He came across a flower that was yellow and pink. A Deledrium* he thought it was; a rare type of rose. He picked it carefully and went inside. He found a vase for it and put it on Rosie’s bed side table. He kissed her head and closed the door.
~--*--~
Frodo was now starting to gmade down stairs. ‘Gandalf probably told them that.’ Frodo told himself.The first night that he slept in the Undying Lands was very bad. He couldn’t sleep and the mattress was lumpy. He was very much reminded of sleeping outside all those years ago. He decided to sleep on the small sofa. He took his blanket from his bed and tried to find his way around his new surroundings. This proved difficult and he was soon bumping into things.He found the sofa after landing on it when he had bumped his head on the higher cupboards in the lounge that were full with blankets and other sleeping materials. He went to et used to life in Valinor, though everything still seemed a bit strange. He had tried to keep track of the days but he soon gave that up when it proved too hard. Elrond did vow to him that he could keep track of when the Shire New Year was.
Frodo wasn’t all happy to sleep in a house, either. Though the elves had built it to make it look like Bag End as much as they could, with a green door and round windows, it still didn’t feel like home.
The house was small but it was two stories. Frodo had taken it upon himself to take everything down from the top story and move everything into the lower level. This took several days but He was happy to have found that the sleeping arrangements had been sleep sadly. He was still thinking about Sam. He was still wondering how he was supposed to be parted from Sam for the rest of his life. Sam had been like a brother to him and it broke Frodo’s heart to let him go.
In the morning when the sun had risen, Gandalf knocked on his door gently. He got up but soon
got up early to check on Rosie and Rose. He opened the door and Rosie was playing with her new baby. Sam sat on the bed and kissed Rosie’s forehead. ‘Oh Sam, She’s beautiful!’ Rosie said.
Elanor and Frodo were playing with their new sibling on the bed when Sam returned with some milk. ‘The doctor told me to keep your fluids up.’ Sam said. He helped Rosie sit up and he helped her drink. She was feeling much better with a lot of her strength returned but Sam still felt the need to dote on her.
Later that day, while Rosie was asleep, Sam was just outside her window weeding the garden underneath. He came across a flower that was yellow and pink. A Deledrium* he thought it was; a rare type of rose. He picked it carefully and went inside. He found a vase for it and put it on Rosie’s bed side table. He kissed her head and closed the door.
~--*--~
Frodo was now starting to gmade down stairs. ‘Gandalf probably told them that.’ Frodo told himself.The first night that he slept in the Undying Lands was very bad. He couldn’t sleep and the mattress was lumpy. He was very much reminded of sleeping outside all those years ago. He decided to sleep on the small sofa. He took his blanket from his bed and tried to find his way around his new surroundings. This proved difficult and he was soon bumping into things.He found the sofa after landing on it when he had bumped his head on the higher cupboards in the lounge that were full with blankets and other sleeping materials. He went to et used to life in Valinor, though everything still seemed a bit strange. He had tried to keep track of the days but he soon gave that up when it proved too hard. Elrond did vow to him that he could keep track of when the Shire New Year was.
Frodo wasn’t all happy to sleep in a house, either. Though the elves had built it to make it look like Bag End as much as they could, with a green door and round windows, it still didn’t feel like home.
The house was small but it was two stories. Frodo had taken it upon himself to take everything down from the top story and move everything into the lower level. This took several days but He was happy to have found that the sleeping arrangements had been sleep sadly. He was still thinking about Sam. He was still wondering how he was supposed to be parted from Sam for the rest of his life. Sam had been like a brother to him and it broke Frodo’s heart to let him go.
In the morning when the sun had risen, Gandalf knocked on his door gently. He got up but soon
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Jack Vettriano Cleo and the Boys II
Jack Vettriano Cleo and the Boys IIJack Vettriano Candy and Mr SmithJack Vettriano Cafe DaysJack Vettriano Busted Flush
long pause. Then Lindariel bowed her hall the things young ellyn did before these darker days came. Instead he bears the burden of being Thranduil’s heir… He is the most skillful archer in Eryn Galen, Thorontur tells me. Of course I am proud of him, but I wish he had not seen so much battle already. I had hoped that with Sauron defeated he would live in a happier world.”“Lindariel,” Elrond murmured, “we are in a time of relative peace. If you feel Legolas should not be a warrior yet –”“I cannot say that,” the Elven-queen whispered. “Sauron was not utterly destroyed; you know this.” She glanced at the ring on Elrond’s finger. “We have nothing to protect Eryn Galen save the strength of our warriors; the enemy is swift and stealthy, and we maintain our vigilance against the day of his return. We dare not let down our guard. What kind of queen would I be if I asked ead.
“I grieve for my son,” she said quietly.
Elrond looked startled, but CelebrÃan seemed to understand; she waved her husband to silence when he opened his mouth to ask for an explanation.
“It cannot be easy,” the Lady of Imladris said gently. “He is young – even younger than Arwen, and the Valar know I have a difficult enough time believing that she is grown up.”
“He is barely five hundred,” Lindariel said hoarsely. “He should be carefree, fooling around with his friends, wooing maidens, Legolas not to do his duty to the realm? It only grieves me that the duty is so hard.”
“Yet he finds peace here, in the company of his friends,” CelebrÃan
long pause. Then Lindariel bowed her hall the things young ellyn did before these darker days came. Instead he bears the burden of being Thranduil’s heir… He is the most skillful archer in Eryn Galen, Thorontur tells me. Of course I am proud of him, but I wish he had not seen so much battle already. I had hoped that with Sauron defeated he would live in a happier world.”“Lindariel,” Elrond murmured, “we are in a time of relative peace. If you feel Legolas should not be a warrior yet –”“I cannot say that,” the Elven-queen whispered. “Sauron was not utterly destroyed; you know this.” She glanced at the ring on Elrond’s finger. “We have nothing to protect Eryn Galen save the strength of our warriors; the enemy is swift and stealthy, and we maintain our vigilance against the day of his return. We dare not let down our guard. What kind of queen would I be if I asked ead.
“I grieve for my son,” she said quietly.
Elrond looked startled, but CelebrÃan seemed to understand; she waved her husband to silence when he opened his mouth to ask for an explanation.
“It cannot be easy,” the Lady of Imladris said gently. “He is young – even younger than Arwen, and the Valar know I have a difficult enough time believing that she is grown up.”
“He is barely five hundred,” Lindariel said hoarsely. “He should be carefree, fooling around with his friends, wooing maidens, Legolas not to do his duty to the realm? It only grieves me that the duty is so hard.”
“Yet he finds peace here, in the company of his friends,” CelebrÃan
Jack Vettriano the Pier
Jack Vettriano the PierJack Vettriano The Picnic PartyJack Vettriano The PerfectionistJack Vettriano The Party's OverJack Vettriano The Parlour of Temptation
Archery Fields and I will show you!”laughing when he went to fetch some wine and the other servants thought he went nuts.While Galion laughed in the background, the King sat smugly in the prince’s bed awaiting his ‘elleth’ son. “I did told him that I’d win.” He grinned. “I’m still not sure what his mother would think when she sees this from Mando’s Halls.”The time came when Galion had already stopped laughing; and was in-dire need of air, and the King sat comfortably with his goblet of wine. Silence was emanating from the usually musical night. Unable to find themselves stressing about the silence they waited. That’s when they heard the softest whisper, one that could be distinguished as the whisper of the Late Queen.
“Alright~”
That night, servants from every part of the household became terrified as they rumored about an Elleth ghost running on and around the Royal chambers. Some says that it was the Queen—came to visit her beloved husband and sweet little prince. Others—specifically, Galion; who came to the Prince’s private quarters every night to see if he needs anything, came face-to-face with “the ghost”.
He couldn’t stop The hairs at the back of their necks stood and they were about to react when the Prince returned.
“My silly Husband~”
Archery Fields and I will show you!”laughing when he went to fetch some wine and the other servants thought he went nuts.While Galion laughed in the background, the King sat smugly in the prince’s bed awaiting his ‘elleth’ son. “I did told him that I’d win.” He grinned. “I’m still not sure what his mother would think when she sees this from Mando’s Halls.”The time came when Galion had already stopped laughing; and was in-dire need of air, and the King sat comfortably with his goblet of wine. Silence was emanating from the usually musical night. Unable to find themselves stressing about the silence they waited. That’s when they heard the softest whisper, one that could be distinguished as the whisper of the Late Queen.
“Alright~”
That night, servants from every part of the household became terrified as they rumored about an Elleth ghost running on and around the Royal chambers. Some says that it was the Queen—came to visit her beloved husband and sweet little prince. Others—specifically, Galion; who came to the Prince’s private quarters every night to see if he needs anything, came face-to-face with “the ghost”.
He couldn’t stop The hairs at the back of their necks stood and they were about to react when the Prince returned.
“My silly Husband~”
Monday, May 11, 2009
Jack Vettriano Bad, Bad Boys
Jack Vettriano Bad, Bad BoysJack Vettriano Bad Boy, Good GirlJack Vettriano Bad Boy BluesJack Vettriano Back Where You BelongJack Vettriano baby bye bye
dangerous. I admit I have a hard time believing what you have just said, yet I can tell you are not lying. There is much I would like to ask you, but this is neither the time nor place for such questions," at this he shot his companions a meaningful glance. "We will discuss this more once we reach Imladris and Lord Elrond has heard your tale. Now we must finish setting up camp and eat. Then we will rest." He turned to his men, who were staring at us with various expressions of confusion and disbelief on their faces, and gave a few short orders to finish organizing the camp and fixing dinner.
Not twenty minutes had gone by before dinner was ready, which consisted of rabbit, berries, and a few grains. For a campfire meal, it was pretty delicious. Ohave to admit he caught me a little off guard. I wasn’t expecting anyone to really want to talk to us, seeing as they probably all figured we were crazy. But if he wanted to, I wasn’t going to stop him. Camping is extremely boring if most of your companions aren’t talking to you."How are you?" he asked. For some odd reason that question struck a nerve."Well. Let’s see. I just fell through some weird light-vortex thing, landing in a world that shouldn’t exist with a vapid, egotistical, wannabe-princess, was almost killed and have absolutely no camping supplies. Otherwise, I’m fantastic."The poor elf looked kind of stunned. I sighed, that might have come out a little too sarcastic."I’m sorry. It seems like I’m always snapping at you. It’s just been a rougf course, the look on Almira’s face when she was told what she was eating was actually rabbit also helped to make my dining experience a little more pleasant. She was harmless, but so stupid. What did she think we were eating? It’s not like there was a Wal-Mart nearby where you could go pick up a nice rotisserie chicken. Plus, I mean the meat was still in general bunny shape when it was being cooked on the spit. Glorfindel must have noticed my smirk from across the campfire, because he raised an eyebrow in response. I just smiled and pointed to the meat in my hands. He nodded and gave a quiet laugh. It looked as though he was about to say something when Faelon walked up and sat next to me.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello," I replied. I h day. Not to mention the pain in my shoulder is kind of setting me on edge," I said, giving him an apologetic smile.
dangerous. I admit I have a hard time believing what you have just said, yet I can tell you are not lying. There is much I would like to ask you, but this is neither the time nor place for such questions," at this he shot his companions a meaningful glance. "We will discuss this more once we reach Imladris and Lord Elrond has heard your tale. Now we must finish setting up camp and eat. Then we will rest." He turned to his men, who were staring at us with various expressions of confusion and disbelief on their faces, and gave a few short orders to finish organizing the camp and fixing dinner.
Not twenty minutes had gone by before dinner was ready, which consisted of rabbit, berries, and a few grains. For a campfire meal, it was pretty delicious. Ohave to admit he caught me a little off guard. I wasn’t expecting anyone to really want to talk to us, seeing as they probably all figured we were crazy. But if he wanted to, I wasn’t going to stop him. Camping is extremely boring if most of your companions aren’t talking to you."How are you?" he asked. For some odd reason that question struck a nerve."Well. Let’s see. I just fell through some weird light-vortex thing, landing in a world that shouldn’t exist with a vapid, egotistical, wannabe-princess, was almost killed and have absolutely no camping supplies. Otherwise, I’m fantastic."The poor elf looked kind of stunned. I sighed, that might have come out a little too sarcastic."I’m sorry. It seems like I’m always snapping at you. It’s just been a rougf course, the look on Almira’s face when she was told what she was eating was actually rabbit also helped to make my dining experience a little more pleasant. She was harmless, but so stupid. What did she think we were eating? It’s not like there was a Wal-Mart nearby where you could go pick up a nice rotisserie chicken. Plus, I mean the meat was still in general bunny shape when it was being cooked on the spit. Glorfindel must have noticed my smirk from across the campfire, because he raised an eyebrow in response. I just smiled and pointed to the meat in my hands. He nodded and gave a quiet laugh. It looked as though he was about to say something when Faelon walked up and sat next to me.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello," I replied. I h day. Not to mention the pain in my shoulder is kind of setting me on edge," I said, giving him an apologetic smile.
Jack Vettriano Model in White
Jack Vettriano Model in WhiteJack Vettriano Model in White 1993Jack Vettriano Model in WestwoodJack Vettriano Model in Black
prepared to face the approaching Orcs.
As I watched them I realized one very important detail: my hands were still bound. “Hey, hey! Untie me!” I cried.
One of the Elves turned to me. “Be quiet,” he hissed. “We will look after you. What good would it do if you can’t even use a weapon? Besides how do we know you didn’t orchestrate this so you could escape?”
Ok, so he had a point. But I didn’t have time to reply because at that moment the Orcs charged and our captors were busy defending themselves and us. Did I mention how happy I was to have Elves around? Their skills for fighting were amazing. I mean let’s face it, the Orcs didn’t stand a chance against beings who had most likely had centuries of practice. It was a massacre. That being said, I was having a hard time trying not to be sick. We have all seen at least one battlon my shoulder, emitting a startled cry of pain. My cry alerted the elf and a few of his companions to the Orc’s position, resulting in its being shot. Ha, take that. That’ll learn ya. The elf I saved, helped me up, and half-carrying me (due to my shoulder) led me back towards the tree, where I had been previously sitting with Almira. With a nod, he set me down and turned back to fighting, while I was again left to watch. My eyes wandered to Glorfindel, and I couldn’t look away. At present he was dancing circles around the Orc he was fighting. He almost looked bored. Of course, this was Glorfindel, the twice-born Balrog slayer. Why should a few Orcs bother him? He made it look easy, a stab here, a block there. And he seemed so unaffected. I mean Orcs were dying all around him, crying out in agony but it didn’t e scene in a movie, but it is nothing like the real thing. The screams and the blood were really starting to get to me. Not to mention the smell. I mean Orcs don’t exactly practice good hygiene, so throw in that and the sweet tang of blood and it makes for quite the nauseating combination.
I looked up and saw an Orc sneaking up behind one of the Elves who was busy fighting a different Orc. Dirty bugger. Picking my self up, I managed to rugby tackle the Orc, preventing him from stabbing the unsuspecting elf. I landed hard even seem to faze him.
After watching for a few more moments, I just couldn’t take anymore. I closed my eyes to try and block it out and just wait for it to be over, but I couldn’t block out the sound; I needed something to distract myself. At that moment
prepared to face the approaching Orcs.
As I watched them I realized one very important detail: my hands were still bound. “Hey, hey! Untie me!” I cried.
One of the Elves turned to me. “Be quiet,” he hissed. “We will look after you. What good would it do if you can’t even use a weapon? Besides how do we know you didn’t orchestrate this so you could escape?”
Ok, so he had a point. But I didn’t have time to reply because at that moment the Orcs charged and our captors were busy defending themselves and us. Did I mention how happy I was to have Elves around? Their skills for fighting were amazing. I mean let’s face it, the Orcs didn’t stand a chance against beings who had most likely had centuries of practice. It was a massacre. That being said, I was having a hard time trying not to be sick. We have all seen at least one battlon my shoulder, emitting a startled cry of pain. My cry alerted the elf and a few of his companions to the Orc’s position, resulting in its being shot. Ha, take that. That’ll learn ya. The elf I saved, helped me up, and half-carrying me (due to my shoulder) led me back towards the tree, where I had been previously sitting with Almira. With a nod, he set me down and turned back to fighting, while I was again left to watch. My eyes wandered to Glorfindel, and I couldn’t look away. At present he was dancing circles around the Orc he was fighting. He almost looked bored. Of course, this was Glorfindel, the twice-born Balrog slayer. Why should a few Orcs bother him? He made it look easy, a stab here, a block there. And he seemed so unaffected. I mean Orcs were dying all around him, crying out in agony but it didn’t e scene in a movie, but it is nothing like the real thing. The screams and the blood were really starting to get to me. Not to mention the smell. I mean Orcs don’t exactly practice good hygiene, so throw in that and the sweet tang of blood and it makes for quite the nauseating combination.
I looked up and saw an Orc sneaking up behind one of the Elves who was busy fighting a different Orc. Dirty bugger. Picking my self up, I managed to rugby tackle the Orc, preventing him from stabbing the unsuspecting elf. I landed hard even seem to faze him.
After watching for a few more moments, I just couldn’t take anymore. I closed my eyes to try and block it out and just wait for it to be over, but I couldn’t block out the sound; I needed something to distract myself. At that moment
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Jack Vettriano Narcissistic Bathers
Jack Vettriano Narcissistic BathersJack Vettriano Mr CoolJack Vettriano Models in the StudioJack Vettriano Models in the Studio II
assumption. I don’t know any France.”
Logan grabbed Strider by the arm. “Wait, wait,” he said. “Let’s just clear this up. Where exactly are we?”village of Brie?”“In Eriador.”“And where is ‘Eerie Ardour’?”“In Middle Earth.”“Middle Earth? What the hell is that? Everyone knows that the core of the Earth is made out of molten metal. You know, I do know a thing or two, so don’t try and be funny.”“Middle Earth is a place, otherwise known as Arda.” Aragorn looked at Logan strangely. Even madmen knew what Middle Earth was, surely. Things were getting very odd indeed, and he was determined to find out just what was wrong with Logan.The Prancing Pony seemed to be the normal everyday bar, minus the cage fights
“I’ve told you before,” said Aragorn. Logan had a very strong grip. “We are in the village of Bree.”
“And where is the . More men in funny clothes were drinking, eating, laughing and gambling. Nothing seemed out of place, until Logan asked the bartender for the use of a phone.
“I won’t be a minute, sir,” said the cheerful fat barman, fetching a pewter mug and filling it with beer. Logan’s keen nose caught the fragrant aroma of fermented wheat. After he’d made his phone calls, he would order himself some of that beer.
The barman handed Logan a tankard filled with foam. “There you go, sir,” he said. “Your foam.”
Foam? “What the... “No, not foam!” said Logan. “Phone!”
“Yes, sir, I know what foam is,” said the barman. He seemed annoyed that Logan thought he didn’t
assumption. I don’t know any France.”
Logan grabbed Strider by the arm. “Wait, wait,” he said. “Let’s just clear this up. Where exactly are we?”village of Brie?”“In Eriador.”“And where is ‘Eerie Ardour’?”“In Middle Earth.”“Middle Earth? What the hell is that? Everyone knows that the core of the Earth is made out of molten metal. You know, I do know a thing or two, so don’t try and be funny.”“Middle Earth is a place, otherwise known as Arda.” Aragorn looked at Logan strangely. Even madmen knew what Middle Earth was, surely. Things were getting very odd indeed, and he was determined to find out just what was wrong with Logan.The Prancing Pony seemed to be the normal everyday bar, minus the cage fights
“I’ve told you before,” said Aragorn. Logan had a very strong grip. “We are in the village of Bree.”
“And where is the . More men in funny clothes were drinking, eating, laughing and gambling. Nothing seemed out of place, until Logan asked the bartender for the use of a phone.
“I won’t be a minute, sir,” said the cheerful fat barman, fetching a pewter mug and filling it with beer. Logan’s keen nose caught the fragrant aroma of fermented wheat. After he’d made his phone calls, he would order himself some of that beer.
The barman handed Logan a tankard filled with foam. “There you go, sir,” he said. “Your foam.”
Foam? “What the... “No, not foam!” said Logan. “Phone!”
“Yes, sir, I know what foam is,” said the barman. He seemed annoyed that Logan thought he didn’t
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